got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
