and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
