She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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