so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
