He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
