so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
this is an emotional support booty call
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
