no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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