Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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