there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
try to milk me bitch
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