every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
