ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
