remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
