Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
