Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
