He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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