I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
