No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
