I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
