btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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