All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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