splinters make it hard to masturbate
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
