Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
