I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have post one night stand depression
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