My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
where does the pee come out of this thing
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
