Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
