Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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