Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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