From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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