i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
