Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
