can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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