The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
