Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
