Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
