my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
