for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
