Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
