dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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