just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
