i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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