A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
