I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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