Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
