dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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