But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
