dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
