After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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