Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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