ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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