I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
