shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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