OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
