How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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