the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
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