She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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